I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
