Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
