she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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