I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
