I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
