i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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