Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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