I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
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So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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