i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
