he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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