How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
