Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
