Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How does it feel to date your dad?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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