"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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