if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I intend to get homeless drunk
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
