yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize