I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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