I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Randomize
