On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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