Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
