that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
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