This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
