Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
