Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
