Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i believe in u and ur pee
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
