Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
