I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
