I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Randomize
