Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
