Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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