white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
