Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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