dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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