i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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