Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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