Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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