I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
