She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
