I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
