They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
