you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
