I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
