Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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