To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
