Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
