I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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