Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
