and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
