Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
