just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
