I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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