so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
