May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
