I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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