Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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