The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
