i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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