He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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