How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
