Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
