If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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