the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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