I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I party with great urgency now.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
