I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize