his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
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Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
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If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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